Why am I writing this blog

I am a 47 year old woman that is attracted more to women than men.  For the majority of my life I have ignored my desire to be in a physical relationship with a women and am wondering if that was the right decision.  There have been times when the SSA was diminished and almost non-existent.  However, the past 5 years the desire to be with women has dramatically increased, in part because the loneliness has been profound.  I have recently joined a Lesbian dating site looking for new friends, and possibly a relationship.  The problem is that I still have a testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and it will not go away.  When I try to go on dates with women, something seems to prevent me from going on dates with women.  I am frustrated and don't know if I want to continue to be a faithful member of the LDS church and be lonely for the rest of my life?